Saturday, 11 July 2009
The best thing that happened today was being asked to clear out a chest of drawers in my parent's spare room that used to be in the room I grew up in. I found a heap of letter to me from my grandmas, years before they had passed away. There was also a letter that I wrote to my cousin when we were eleven or twelve which never got sent as she died the week I wrote it. There was also a huge stack of letters that I'd written to myself in about 1996. It was all really sad to discover it all today, and it's hard to think about this as the 'best thing'; but those letters I wrote to myself when I was fifteen have just helped me understand a little bit about how and when I first started to go insane and suffer from mental health problems. Those letters made so much sense to me then. They spoke of the pressures and the sadnesses; ones I couldn't comprehend properly at the time. All these years later, I could never pinpoint the beginnings of the sadness that lives in my head, I'd forgotten how long it had been there. Today I learned about parts of myself I'd long forgotten.